Wednesday, May 31, 2006

I dumped The Stairmaster. I finally just wrote him an email saying don't call, don't come by. I'm not mad, I'm just done. He emailed back, but I deleted it without reading. What could he have possibly said that would make any difference? What can anyone say?

After all these years I still don't know who I am. I don't know what I'm doing or why I'm on this planet or which direction I'm supposed to go. I'm so tired of struggling. If it's not one goddammed thing, it's another. I'm tired. My mind is tired. My spirit is exhausted. I want to rest. I want to close my eyes and ears and shut out the sounds and sights of everyone and everything. It all comes crashing in around me and exhausts me. I feel like I'm a battle-fatigued soldier.

I just want to rest.

another mad ramble of The Shadow * 8:55 PM
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Sunday, May 21, 2006

I've been so busy. Too busy to blog. Too busy to go out. Too busy to do anything but hang out with clients, trying to get them into escrow.

Today I did an open house at a place owned by Henry Rollins' soulmate. It was a little creepy after a while. But then she came home and everything was okay. The house is gorgeous. It's a beautiful old Spanish with a Batchelder fireplace and it's been completely restored. It's a two bedroom, one bath and one of the bedrooms has been turned into her office. That's where all her books are. Books, and books, and books. Shelves and shelves of the most interesting eclectic stuff. She had everything from Karl Marx and Jalal Toufic to Bessie Head and J.D. Salinger. A ton of stuff I never heard of before. The rest of the house was her vinyl collection. I'm not kidding, this chick doesn't mess around. She had some super old jazz acetates in the closet behind glass. She had everything from the 20's through yesterday. Her punk collection was slim, but gratefully so was her pop collection. A ton of stuff I never heard of before, too.

She's a vegetarian and a Pilates instructor. She's a Mac addict. She reads voraciously and travels like she has a monkey on her back. That's why she's selling. She's taking a year off to travel to some of the most disaster and war torn areas so she can write about her experiences. Everything in her home looked like it had been brought back from some exotic trip. Plus, I noticed that she'd been underlining passages of the voter information they recently sent out for the election on the 6th.

I looked at the photos she had displayed. Not too many of people. Mostly it was scenes and a collection of crosses. Lots of really intersting stuff and for a while it was bugging me because there was something missing. What was it? I couldn't figure it out. Then it dawned on me that there was no TV anywhere in the house. That's when I realized she was Henry's soulmate. She's a Libra Dragon, which is one of his perfect matches according to Katrin. The other is Aries Ox, which is what Joe Cole was.

She eats right, practices yoga and Pilates, reads and listens and travels and avoids the TV. She's humanity conscious. I thought for sure she was his soulmate. Then she came home and I was shocked at how different her home is than her actual being. She was so rude to me. She was an arrogant bitch. Plus, she was ugly. I don't just mean physically, but everything about her. She had long straight mousy hair. She wore no make-up, which can sometimes be fine, but not in her case. Her mouth was set in a hard line like she was bracing for a smack in the head. I think it's become her natural expression. She's very slim, but her skin looked lifeless and weather beaten. She was wearing a black t-shirt advertising some construction company, a pair of ratty old pink corduroy shorts and the most beat up Berkenstocks I've ever seen. Seriously. And her girlfriend was even uglier and meaner.

See what happens when I let my imagination run wild? I swear. I should just stop thinking at all.

another mad ramble of The Shadow * 7:47 PM
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Tuesday, May 09, 2006

My house is still a mess. My kitchen is in my living room. My bathroom is in my bedroom. There's dust and crap everywhere. I'm going crazy.

I need to open new escrows. My appointment today was good. My offer is falling flat. The buyers can come up in price, but they won't. I've tried all my dialogues with them, but they won't budge and they don't care if they lose the house. So I'll give them one last try tomorrow and then that's that. Next.

I need a bazillion new escrows. A bazillion.

I'm tired. It's almonst Hank time.

another mad ramble of The Shadow * 7:48 PM
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Saturday, May 06, 2006

I had sex with The Stairmaster in my kitchen earlier. He dumped his girlfriend because she would call him 5 times a day. He's hopeless. I'm hopeless. It's probably totally right that we're together as it will save other humans the torture of being with us.

My house is completely torn apart. I can't wait to get this phase over with and then I'll get some new floors put in the kitchen and bath and that's it. That is it. Do not ask for more. There is no more. It will be done and done.

I need to open some escrows. I only have one left and I'm ready for more. I need to open three escrows this week. How does that sound? Pretty fucking good to me, too.

another mad ramble of The Shadow * 8:02 PM
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