Sunday, July 31, 2005

Hooray! I have a new escrow. I'm pretty sure. I'm 98% sure. The only thing that could go wrong is that my client won't want to sign arbitration or liquidated damages. The other thing is that the property is solid firm AS IS. So he may freak out about that. I won't let him. I need $$.

I have no life. I haven't written a word in ages. All I do is hustle all day. I answer calls. I make appointments. I have meetings. I show property. I write contracts. This is the end of my second week and I've shown a bazillion properties and written 5 offers and I am opening escrow 98% certainly on Monday. I showed property all day today and I have someone else coming in later, also.

Two or more escrows a month. That's all I'm asking for. I'll work it however hard it takes. Two escrows, please. Then within a year I can get 100% out of the red and into the black and start saving for my place. Foreclosures are coming, folks. I see a lot of stupid people doing a lot of stupid things and they're going to be caught with their pants down. They're on their way, those foreclosures. They're not here yet, but they're definitely in the mail.

another mad ramble of The Shadow * 4:15 PM
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Saturday, July 30, 2005

I love my new job. I love all my new clients. I love everyone in my office. Lalala I am loving life. Except when my boss listens to really bad music like Air Supply or when she tries to rock out to REO Speedwagon and Sheena Easton and Celine Dion. That's the only bad part of this new gig so far.

Have I ever told you how much I love the DiPiazza's? I think they should have a parade to honor them and their great contribution to this city right from DiPiazza's all the way to the Lounge. Wouldn't that get all the Red's balls in an uproar over there in Park Estates?

I am opening escrow on Monday and I have so many clients now I'm going a little insane but it's okay because I will laugh like a crazy woman all the way to the bank and wearing new shoes.

another mad ramble of The Shadow * 7:47 PM
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Saturday, July 23, 2005

My new job is kicking my ass. My boss is a shark. She's from New York and has a real take no prisoners kind of work ethic. I like her, though. She's a marketing genius. She bought me a new computer for the office and we're getting all set up. I have clients coming out of every orifice now. I think the first one I've already found a property for. Hopefully, we'll be writing a contract on it tomorrow. Hopefully, hopefully, hopefully.

My sister and her husband are coming to town tonight. They won't be staying with me because I am not classy enough for air conditioning. And here I was willing to give up my bed to them and sleep on the couch. They're going to stay at the Queen instead. Can you believe it? Monday morning my sister and I have a really special meeting. I hope everything goes well. I hope the people I need to hear from show up.

I've been waiting all day for this guy to call me back regarding a movie camera I'm supposed to pick up from him for SN. It's an old color 16mm with all the accesories and the book and everything. I've called him twice. I cannot stand when people do shit like this. I hate being kept on the string. Also, this woman called and said that she and her husband wanted to buy my vintage stove that I'm selling. Such a deal. I'm sad to part with it, but what can I do? I have bills to pay. Besides, I'll get a better one once I have a dollar and the stupid kitchen is done being painted and the flooring is finished. So I've been waiting for her to call me back so we can get this arranged and she's got me on a string, too. Drag.

I haven't seen or talked to anyone all week. MP and I are getting our mobile notary cards all made up and figuring out how we're going to work the biz. It's a lot to think about. Record keeping, business expenses, all that kind of shit. I don't know how Patty's Man and Goth Boy do it. It's a lot to deal with. MP made up the business cards and invoices. We have to advertise to all the lenders and escrow companies in the area. Got Mobile Notary?

So Stairmaster came over on Wednesday. It was fanfuckingtastic, as usual. Except that we got into a huge argument right before he left. Two things: while we were in the heat he was dripping sweat all over me. It was kind of gross, but it was really funny. We're in the middle of a humid heat wave right now. I know everyone in the country is suffering, but it's unusual for this area. So I started laughing at him when he was being all intense. That pissed him off and then we had the proverbial, I don't know where the hell this is going so I'm just going to jump off here. He got all upset and was like well do you want me to be your boyfriend or what? Then I said that I wouldn't have him as my boyfriend because he's so fucking unreliable. Huge fight. Just ask my neighbors. I'm not seeing him anymore. Who am I, Brigid? I'm not taking him back just because the sex is so good. I don't need a fuck buddy. I need a connection. I mean, I kind of connect with Stairmaster, but only after we've had sex when he's so relaxed that he lets his guard down and starts talking to me about his life and asking me what's up in mine. Why can't he just call or email me in the middle of the week and be like that? I'm not seeing him anymore, I'm not taking him back, and I totally mean it this time, for sure.

another mad ramble of The Shadow * 4:52 PM
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Monday, July 18, 2005

First day of work at my new job and I am pooped. I already have two appointments set up for tomorrow. I didn't have a phone or a computer all day so I was on top of other people. It was a drag. Plus, it's so hot and humid today. It totally made my hair fall and I was moody all day. Sometimes new things can be overwhelming.

I have a new crush. I met this super cute lawyer yesterday when I was helping Miss Ennui and Patty with some drama. Patty's mom is away and the girls are housesitting and her estranged husband was trying to summarily evict them.What an asshole. The lawyer came by to help them out with bills and also because they got in an accident with Pattty's mom's car. He is so cute. He was really nice and helpful and didn't raise an eyebrow at anything. Even Goth Boy said he was cool. I think he might be gay or sleeping with Patty's mom, though. When he left he said to Patty "Don't be so hard on your Mom. She does love you more than you know." Why would he care? Either he's sleeping with her, or he wants to, or he's gay. He was flirting with me, but for some reason that leads me to believe he's gay, too.

So of course Stairmaster is calling me again. What to do? I miss him, but I think it's just the sex. I want to see him, but only if it's going to be something real. I don't need a fuck buddy. I need a connection. He wants to go see The Devil's Rejects. For some sick reason movies like that get him really horny. Sick? I know. I shouldn't even bother calling him back.

I'm so tired. I think it's just the heat. I need to open escrow within the next two weeks or I'm road kill.

another mad ramble of The Shadow * 7:00 PM
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Saturday, July 16, 2005

I'm off to do an open house on 4th and Maine. Yeah, I know. I'm going to keep the downstairs gate locked and I'm only answering the door to people who look real. All the streety rags can keep it on the curb. I'm so glad they finally moved all the houses on 3rd. They've cleared the lots and the Lyon project should be starting soon. Don't feel bad for all the ghetto rats who were living in those grand old houses. They each got $21k to move their bad asses out. I didn't go to watch all the house movings. The CrewBoyz all want to see one. There should be one going on in about a month. They get so crazy with the cops and the crowds. They do it in the middle of a week night so that it's as quiet as possible, but then it gets insane because it's such a crowd pleaser. So now they try to keep it all hush hush, but all the real estate agents know when it's happening so that's how the word gets out. It's insane. I'll take the guys to the next one. I have to say, it's pretty cool seeing a house getting off it's blocks and put on the back of a truck. When the truck starts driving away, the crowd goes wild.

So should I serve snacks at my open house? No. It'll be okay. I'm not advertising my services as a party planner. I'm a real estate consultant. I'm also a partner in KW because it's agent owned.

MP and I started our mobile notary company. He's making up business cards and brochures. Hopefully it'll get going fairly quickly.

I read an excerpt from Henry's new book, Roomanitarian. It made me so sad. I know totally what Katrin is going through, sort of. My heart goes out to Henry. I saw him last night on Ultimate Film Fanatic. I think he was flirting with Tatum O'Neil. It was funny to watch.

another mad ramble of The Shadow * 10:33 AM
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Thursday, July 14, 2005

I quit my agency and signed on at KW. I'll be working as LM's buyer's agent/assistant/little bitch. I don't mind. I will never have another weekend free for the rest of my life, but I'm cool with it. I need $$$ and I don't like how my life is going. That's the general consensus lately. There's a vibe of dissatisfaction and disappointment all around.

There's a lesbian in the agency I just left who has a crush on me. She's cool and it's kind of flattering, but it's so unreal. Being straight I've never completely gotten the gay thing. I understand it technically. You like people built the same as you, cool. Whatever, Bob, just crash it. I don't care. Whatever rocks you. I didn't get it at first. I thought she just liked me and was being friendly and we had fun going out to lunch and talking about work and sex. Then I realized I was the only one talking about sex and she was always the one asking me questions. How embarrassing. Here I was talking about getting licked and she's a big lezzie just leading me on a chain the whole time. So she's all sad that I'm leaving and wants to go for drinks and I said yeah, sure give me a call.

Here's the crazy part of this. I can see what other lesbians would like about her. She's totally cool, she's attractive, she's smart, and funny, and she makes a shitload of money. The whole way home I was wondering what life would be like with her. Would it be the same as with a man? I mean of course it wouldn't, but would it be a little the same? Would it be a bitch fest all the time? Would it be like living with a roomie or a sister except that you have sex? I don't know. I'm curious, but not that curious. Sometimes when I know a guy has a crush on me I like to make him my little go boy and see what I can get him to do for me. I can't do that to her. It's mean and just the fact that she's a girl makes it seem ugly.

I wish I had someone to take care of me. I wish I had someone who thought I was their soulmate, their reason for living. Actually, that's a lie. I don't want that. I've had that before and it was kind of clingy and needy and weird. There was a lot of performance anxiety in bed, too. On both sides. What I want is the connection. Even if we're the only ones in the room who are connecting. I want a man who knows how to take care of me and who can let me take care of him. I'm not just talking about sexually, although that's a good start. I'm talking about the connection where he just lays in bed next to you, not touching you, not watching you, even though all of that is good, too. I'm talking about when he can just lay down next to you and be with you in the silence and the connection of being there.

I have't ever really had that. I want that. I don't need a husband. I don't need a lover. I don't need a fuck buddy or a friend with benefits. I need a connection. I need a connection so that I can stabilize because I feel like I'm free falling and the ground is coming up to meet me. It's really going to hurt when I hit. I know it will.

another mad ramble of The Shadow * 6:08 PM
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Monday, July 11, 2005

So I got my notary commission. I'll hopefully be setting up some accounts so I can get my big fat ass to work soon. LG is supposedly still working on the buyer for Pine. If she can pull this rabbit out of her hat it will mean $9,700 for each of us. If she can't, then I'm going to be extremely disappointed. And fucked. I'm out of money. Again. I don't really like this. I don't like not having money. I've realized that I'm a little dependent on money and what it can do for me. Don't get me wrong, I'm not in an addictive phase or anything. It's just that I've really come to understand the value of money. I can see now what people mean when they say that money talks. It sure does. Most often money screams for attention. It usually gets it. Money walks, too. If you don't take care of it. But man, when things are good between you and money, the sky's the limit. I sure do like money. I like all the things it can do for me. I'm just afraid it might make me into a giant asshole. But I don't think I do money in large enough doses for anything like that to happen. I think I've hit on something really profound. It's beyond all that pithy stuff like "take care of your money and it will take care of you".

Someone once said to me to always make sure I tithe. I thought it was noble at the time. So much can be done with just 10%. Look at the Mormons. Hell, look at the Catholics. Considering that, I think I never really got into tithing because I didn't feel like I belonged when I was trying to be a Christian. Yes, I did try. I know, it's ridiculous to think of me trying to be a Christian. Shut up, at least I didn't get married and have a family before announcing I was gay. I mean, come on. At least I'm not David Duke trying to live down my former life in the KKK. Anyway, back to the subject at hand. I forgot all about this tithing thing. Then last month I had this really life-altering experience. I wanted to blog it, but I didn't experience it alone and others who were in attendance won't consent to blogging, even though it's anonymous.

At this life-altering experience the speaker turned right to me and said "Do you tithe?" And I replied that I used to, but you know, and he jumped on me and said "Whenever you've been spiritually fed, tithe." I explained to him that I didn't attend services and was kind of a solitary practitioner. He told me he'd tithed a 10% tip to a waitress earlier in the day because she'd fed him spiritually. I fully understand the concept and I know the rewards are great, with the times three rule in place and all. But my question is, where the hell do I get fed? Mostly I read books and listen to my CD's. Should I seek out a group? Scary. Should I start attending services? Scarier. So that's where I am now. Where do I get fed? Should I start sending a monthly tithe to the Fort Rollins Complex of St. Henry the Punk? I mentioned the WM3 and the speaker said that was charity and totally different.

From where am I fed spiritually?

another mad ramble of The Shadow * 4:33 PM
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Tuesday, July 05, 2005

Work today was weird again. I don't like not knowing what's going on. I don't like that High School feeling that people are talking about me behind my back. I don't like it and when I come across it I usually just turn and walk in a different direction.

I got a surprising call. MF wants me to sell his house. That's always the kind of call I like to get. Two problems: He doesn't own the house, his mother does, and he wants about $75,000 more than anyone in their right mind will pay. But I'll go. I'll always go.

I'm meeting with LM later this week to talk to her about becoming her buyer's agent. How much would I love to just pack up in the middle of the night and move my office to another agency?

So now I have five clients but still no one ready to buy this instant. I got some junk mail from a printer regarding my notary commission. I hope it's because it's in the mail. I remember MP started getting junked like that right before hs arrived. Mobile notary would solve all my immediate problems, you know like lack of funds.

I have to go to Ben's tonight to finish up a few things. I sent Miss Ennui and Patty over to put up the drapes and he took them down. I guess he doesn't want his views obstructed, but I hope he's figured out that while he can see out others can see in and he and Shug both have that naughty boy habit of walking around in their birthday suits.

another mad ramble of The Shadow * 5:57 PM
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Monday, July 04, 2005

The last few days have been a little strange. I somewhat feel like one of those terminally ill patients who just don't give a fuck at the end and just want to have a good time. I am out of money. I am out of steam. I kind of don't care. A reality check would indicate that it's time to get a jay-oh-bee, but I just don't give a fuck. What's wrong with me?

I have clients. I have TS and KH who are going to to buy from me, but not right this second. For KH, we have to secure her financing and then find something suitable. I keep trying to get her to move her ass, but she's afraid because life's been a drag for her for oh so long. Plus, I just finally got her to let me have her credit run and I knew it was going to be all bad news and it was. I got to be the one to dump it all on her head. Don't look at me like that. It had to be done. I knew what her husband was doing and you can't have secrets like that if you're buying property. Well, at least not from me.

TS is buying in January. That's a long way off, in the paying of the rent kind of way. Both my sisters are buying, but I don't know when. Plus, if and when I do get into escrow with either of my sisters, I know it's going to be a fresh and new kind of hell because you know it's family and no one can hurt you and make you feel bad like family.

Did I ell you all about my asshole client that I now hate? I try not to hate, but you must admit that there are times when it is the only satisfactory solution to a situation. Here is why I hate him and am looking forward to hearing unpleasant news of him. I sold his four units for him, which was kind of a bitch actually because that building is smack dab in the heart of the ghetto and is still master metered. I guess in 102 years none of the owners could be bothered to run the lines. Plus there are no garages and it's just a difficult building to sell. But hey, I got it done and he made over a quarter of a million bucks for just sitting on his ass and collecting the rent for a year. That still wasn't good enough for him, though. Because he's a greedy bastard, that's why. He's one of these martini drinking professionals who dabble in the residential income market like it's their fucking golf game or something. He actually thinks he's a big time investor. Which is kind of funny if you've had a couple of drinks, you know at the point when pretty much everything is funny. He's really kind of a dork. But that's not why I hate him. I hate him because when I listed his shitty four units he bitched about commission and I gave him a break because he swore to me he was going to buy his upleg through me. But he lied. He was lying then and he's still lying to me now because a nasty liar who tells nothing but lies. He bought through someone else even after I found him two muy excelente buildings. I hope he gets ripped off. I hope this other realtor, whom I'm pretty sure is this giant asshole I've dealt with before, I hope that other realtor does me a huge favor and completely disembowels my asshole (former) client. Playing games with him cost me $12,000. Yes, it hurts. Thanks for asking.

So this asshole calls me yesterday and says he needs a reference for a property inspector because he's in escrow and his realtor went away for the holiday and left him high and dry. Well shit. Why is that anything to do with me? MP literally twisted my arm to call him back and be professional, which I did because I'm just a giant pussy and I should get out these shark infested waters toot sweet baby. Here's what I wanted to say: Hey (insert name of asshole former clent here), who the fuck do you think you are calling me asking for favors, dickhead? Are you out of your fucking mind calling me? You want to work with another realtor, you go fucking work with them. You call them for bullshit like this, moron. How dare you call and ask me for favors after fucking me for $12,000? Are you just that stupid, or do you think I'm that stupid? Don't call here. We don't want fuckheads like you associated with us.

But of course, I didn't say any of that. I was kind and professional and even when he started asking me other questions, like should he get a permit search done and how he would go about it, I didn't start screaming at him that I only gave the milk for free to guys who were physically fucking me, I just referred him back to his superstar realtor who was so fabulous and attentive he fucking left town without taking care of business while his $1.2 million dollar client was still in contingency period. Way to go, fucko.

Okay, I'm over it. No, I'm not. But I tried to get over it by securing another buyer for this fanfuckingtastic building I know about. The seller is an agent in my office and he absolutely adores me. He told me I could try to find another buyer before he pus his building on the MLS for $40k more. My friend LG said she had oodles of buyers and we met with the seller and she said it was no problemo. She lied. She totally doesn't know what the fuck she's doing and I don't think it's going to happen. Which kind of pisses me off a little. I mean we started at the same time and she's asking me these really basic questions which translates into I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. So then, what has she been doing these last 18 months when I've been going through the grinder?

Plus CW is going out of town and she's leaving all her files with JD even though I've been assisting her with her clients this whole time. What's that all about? It's bullshit that's what. Actions are truth, words are lies.

I miss having a paycheck. I want insurance. Just a little part time job, like in an ED or something fun. Nothing heavy or anything where I'll have to use my brains. Just a little milk money. It could happen.

I'm supposed to get so much done today and I already know it's totally impossible. I have to take Patty and Miss Ennui to Femoral to see Patty's Man. He got into some huge thing with some asshole he says damaged his truck and he got hit with a pipe. His leg is shattered and he had his surgery. They want me to go talk to the peeps there about the whole insuranza thing. He's totally indigent. He paid cash for his truck so he needs to put it in Patty's name immediately. I'm pretty sure all his leases are under his business name. He's been giving the folks there a hard time because he doesn't want the good stuff. He'll only take codeine with tylenol. Hello, you have a fractured femur with possible nerve damage, go ahead and take the narcs. He won't even take Vicodin. I shouldn't judge. One look at his asshole alcoholic dad and anyone can see why he'd be afraid.

I'm supposed to clean my house and get my shit together today. I'm so not into it. I just want to lie in bed and read my book about the Sumerians all day. I swear being self-employed is making me so fucking lazy.

another mad ramble of The Shadow * 10:29 AM
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