Monday, January 31, 2005

I lost my cool with my client today. It was totally unprofessional, but honestly I'm so beyond caring. He's from the East Coast and thinks he's Tony Soprano or something. When we first had to pull out of the nightmare escrow we were in with K, he was screaming at me and freaking out so much I just had to say "I can't communicate with you when you are like this. Call me when you're more calm" and hang up. He was flipping out saying he was going to kill me and they would never find my body. Yawn. After I spoke with the attorneys I called him and he acted like everything was fine. Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde? MPD?

So now that we're in this new escrow he thinks it's okay to just flip out anytime he wants. K won't release the funds from the first escrow. I've been talking to him every day about what's going on, and what we're doing, and they're response, and all of it. I never make decisions or speak for my client without discussing anything with them first. This guy is like a giant 2 year old. Anytime there's a little hitch, which there's going to be because he's buying property in California, he takes the opportunity to flip out and scream at me and threaten to sue me.

Today, I just didn't respond to him. He finally shut up and when I still didn't say anything he goes "hello, hello, are you still there?". Yes, I said. I'm still here. Well, are you listening to me? And I said, honestly no I'm not. Then he started screaming again. What the fuck? How dare you say that to me? I was queit again and then he said, well? And I said, you know I can't talk to you when you're like this. I can't explain anything to you. It's like freaking out is more important to you than hearing me and coming to an agreement or figuring out a solution. He said he totally couldn't believe I was saying this to him. I said I can't believe I have to say it. How am I supposed to represent you, and look out for your best interests, and keep you informed so that you can make decisions, if you're so reactionary and you're constantly threatening to sue me or kill me? Then he says, Oh well you know I don't really mean it. I told him that if we'd been dating I would have dumped him and gotten a restraining order on him the first week. I told him to knock off the drama and listen to me and that if he really wanted to retain counsel, he was more than welcome.

I told him I was done talking to him about the first nightmare escrow and that from now on, if he wanted answers he was more than welcome to call either of my brokers and try his screaming freak out with them. Then he apologized and I accepted his apology and told him I'd like us to act civilly with each other from now on.

What a baby. I so don't believe in the myth of men. I think Rhonda and Brigid are right. There are no men. They're all just little little childish little boys. Except the ones who are girls.


another mad ramble of The Shadow * 3:02 PM
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Saturday, January 29, 2005

Rhonda and I spent the morning shopping for the baby's room. We bought black, white, and red mobile stuff. It's supposed to help the baby's brain develop, but we got them because pastels and brights are just out of the question. We also got all the Nightmare Before Christmas stuff and Rad is making the baby's bedset and some curtains. We picked out a really cool black on gray damask that will be the main fabric. We found some black flokati rugs and Rhonda's mom still had all her baby furniture in storage. Jimmie got it out this morning and started sanding it down. He's going to paint it silver with black and burgundy accents.

There was a bunch of vintage baby stuff on Retro Row in Vintage Village, but when we went back and looked at them we decided no. They looked creepy and scary for baby. They look like something from a horror film. People keep sending her baby clothes and all the stuff. They're all blue and yellow and green. We're going to dye them some more normal colors. Rad said he would make some outfits, but that first year they grow so fast. We're going up to the garment district to find some cool stuff.

CW sold my fantasy dream house. I'm a little sad, but at least I'll still be able to go inside. Plus, if they ever try to get rid of any of that super cool tile or do anything crazy with the basement or the attic, I'll chain myself to the front door and throw a hissy fit until they stop.

Tonight I'm going to the movies with S. His grandmother is in the hospital again. I feel bad, but the woman is over a 100. Let her go. Of course, I don't have any parents or grandparents anymore so I know I can be a little harsh, but if you're over a 100 and you want to go home, I think you're family should bow out and let you.

I'm supposed to be delivering 7 treatments today. I kind of don't feel like it. After shopping with Rho, I just want to lay on my comfy bed and think. I don't feel like writing up a synopsis to anything.

How's this for a synopsis? A man walks down the street to the mini mart to get a soda and is robbed at knife point by two thugs who slash his arm and sever a nerve so that he is permanently disabled. In the aftermath of this tragedy he holes himself up in his apartment, cursing the thugs, the healthcare system, his girlfriend who left him, the world at large, until he discovers some vintage movie posters hidden above the closet. He sells the posters to a collector in LA for a pretty penny, and retires in Costa Rica. That's the true story of one of my neighbors. His nephew sublets the apartment from him and deposits all his disability checks for him. Of course, I'd have to make the nephew evil and the man would have some reason for coming back from Costa Rica. Maybe he discovers one of the thugs is in cahoots with the nephew or has married the ex-girlfriend or something retarded and ghetto like that. You always have to write for the simpleminded who enjoy cheap thrills. That's the only way to be successful in Hollywood. Snore.

I don't know why S wants to make it so bad. I hate everyone Hollywood. They all kind of nauseate me. They're all so full of shit and full of themselves and how wonderful they are. Everyone thinks whatever comes out of their mouth is so fanfuckingtastic just because they made some sort of observation. Big fucking deal. When we were at the opening a few weeks ago I just wanted to slap LL when she was running down this list of all the people she'd done make-up for. Who fucking cares? You put lipstick on Hillary Duff? So fucking what?

CW and CI are totally cool, but they're such an exception. S wanted me to put his resume into CW's briefcase. I laughed at him. I told her about it and she took it from me and said she'd give it to her friends. She has friends in all the high places because she runs in golden circles. This is how she was able to sell my dreamhouse out from under me. That's okay. As long as it doesn't go to some assholes who want to turn it into an 80's disco. Unobstructed ocean views for life. Once they get it on the historical register I'll breath easy. They get half off taxes forever, but I'll be reassured no one will be messing with that tile.


another mad ramble of The Shadow * 2:56 PM
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Friday, January 28, 2005

We went to Your House for Thai today. There's an elderly waitress there, perhaps she's the owner, who's madly in love with MP. It's hysterical. She always waits for us to open our fortune cookies. Your House is the only Thai restaurant I've ever been to that serves fortune cookies. She told our fortunes. She said that we would all have good luck in the next year. MP thought she meant in 2006, but I told him she was talking about the Chinese New Year.

I hope so. I'm ready for fun. I'm not having so much of a good time with all these crazy transactions lately. CW sold my dream house on Ocean. At least it's to people we know so I can still come over for parties and to enjoy that incredible view. She sold them the house next door, too. It wassn't listed, but every house is for sale. The buyers wanted the entrire corner lot to preserve the view. I'm happy for them. They're already planning their Fourth of July party. I love mariachis.

I can't wait to get this new escrow closed.


another mad ramble of The Shadow * 6:44 PM
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Thursday, January 27, 2005

Last night I had a Lupus episode. Such a drag. I was in the bath and suddenly I felt like my whole body was made of lead. Usually I feel really light in the water, but I felt like I couldn't lift my arms out of the water to pull myself out of the bathtub. It was accompanied by a sudden splitting headache. The worst part was that I felt like I was going to drown in the bathtub like in that movie What Lies Beneath. All I could was lay there and pray and feel the water going cold. It felt like it lasted for hours but it was about 10 minutes. Finally I got out of bed and called Ben.

He and Shug came right over but my door was locked and I didn't hear them ring the bell because I'd fallen asleep in my room. So then Jimmie had to come over with my key. So I woke up and Ben was sitting on my bed looking in my eyes with his flashlight and Jimmie was watching Shug take my vitals. Of course I was only concerned about what I was wearing and that my hair was still wet and I looked like a hag seawitch.

Ben made me go to the ER. I didn't want to go to Femoral so we drove down to Hoag. I spent three hours in the ER for them to tell me what I already knew. I have Lupus and I'm over stressed. I had a neural episode. How fun. The doctor gave me more headache scripts and a little log book to enter symptoms with times and dates. They gave me the speech about nitrates and MSG and all of it. I felt like an ass. What a waste of time. Of course my friend Ben put it all on his card and told me Happy Birthday. I asked the admitting slave if she would send an itemized bill to my address so I'll be able to pay him back.

I went home and slept it off. Ben slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was gone, but he'd made coffee and left me a little note. It said: Even though you're a tub of lard I love you just the way you are. That's one of our sayings from Soulstis.

Ben has to go back to Boston because it's almost a year since the accident. What a freezing cold drag. Thank you, Ben. You are a good friend and I love you. In God's way, of course.

Now I have to go to the office and answer the 12 messages people left on my phone while I was succumbing to the Lupus monkey on my back.


another mad ramble of The Shadow * 10:59 AM
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Wednesday, January 26, 2005

Today was kind of a weird day. It started out with our weekly office meeting at Buster's. The guest speaker was JK and his topic was financial planning. I've always felt a little funny being around JK after Brigid dumped him, but he's never asked me anything about her so I guess it's okay. It's just a little weird. He once asked MP if he'd ever met her and MP told this big fat lie that not only had he met her but they'd had all kinds of sex on the roof of the Gaytonia. It's kind of an inside joke with us because it's rumored there used to be sex parties on the roof of the Gaytonia way back before the side lot with the pool was sold off. A lot of people say they've had sex on the roof of the Gaytonia, but it's just a little stupid inside joke. JK didn't get it. Apparently his gaydar doesn't work because he didn't seem to pick up on MP's type. So the morning started out kind of uncomfortable because JK was asking about Ben being back in town and if he should call him and whatever. What was I supposed to say? Yes, he just got back. He's sitting on a boatload of money and he wants to buy a loft. Hit him up.

I don't think Brigid would really care if JK and Ben did business or if I referred clients to JK, it's just that I know he's still kind of stuck on her. I don't even know if he knows she moved. He was really kind of put out by MP saying they'd slept together. It was just kind of weird. I like JK, but at the Xmas party he kind of hit on me and I so wasn't in the mood and I blew him off and I'm not sure if he thinks I'm a huge bitch, or if he thinks I think it was inappropriate of him to hit on me, which I do, or what. I guess that's what I'm getting at. When I see JK in professional circles, it's like we can't just be professional because I know too much about his personal life and he knows it and it makes this weird barrier between us. It's like he sees me in a crowd of strangers and moves towards me because I'm a familiar face, but then he's afraid I know too much about him to just let him go to work. Brigid thinks all of this is funny, I know. But for me, I just don't know what is the best way to proceed so I just try to be casual with him. Except that he did hit on me at the Xmas party and I couldn't diffuse it by making a joke of it, because I'm not completely comfortable about JK.

So that was this morning. Then I dealt with the new escrow except that the lenders and processors and everyone I have to talk to are in New Jersey and Boston and most of them were not in their offices today due to the blizzard. So that was a drag.

But then, I found two properties today that are so hot. One of them is a 2 bed 1 bath OYO that's converting. It comes with a garage and is nearly 900 square feet 1 block from the sand for the low, low, unbelievably low price of $229,000. I know. I'm a genius. It's a hidden listing not even on the MLS. 2 of my clients are going over to look at it tomorrow. I'm so excited. Then I found out from JRH that she also has a hidden listing that won't be put on the MLS. The house has to go all cash within a week so they're listing it for 100k under market value. My client drove by today and is coming into the office tomorrow to write up the offer. I'm so excited. If I get these both into escrow that will save my life. I'm so excited. I don't want to count any chickens before they hatch, though. I'm trying to be mellow and not get too excited until we're in escrow and have contingency removal. I can't help it, though. I'm so excited.

I alrady found Ben his loft. He's buying in the Insurance Exchange Building. His unit should be done sometime in the fall. I get to choose all the cabinetry and appliances and paint colors and everything. That will be fun. It's nice to know he trusts me enough to let me work for him. I'd totally let him cut me open and rearrange my insides anyday.

I don't want to jinx it, but I'm feeling a little optimistic. If all the deals I have working right this second go through, I would have a little over $35,000 before summer. I don't want to think about it. If I talk about my deals I'll jinx them. Forget I said anything. I can't wait for the Spring Street project to start. I swear, if NP doesn't give me first crack at agency on that project after I've done so much of the research with her I'll have to stand in the middle of the office and scream nonstop until she does.

I wonder how the Ambassador garden thing is going? I should call my councilman in the morning. He loves hearing from me. MP said he saw him in Costa Rica. Isn't that funny? I wonder if they had drinks together.

Oh, and then when I was at lunch the Stairmaster called me. It was very nice to hear from him. We didn't make an official date, but he wants to watch the last season of Rescue Me together. I don't have a DVD player, so it will have to be at his place. I wonder if it will be safe? Maybe he has a dungeon under the house and that's where his harem is chained up. I don't know if he's allowed to use the basement as living space. I should check the zoning on that.


another mad ramble of The Shadow * 6:27 PM
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Tuesday, January 25, 2005

I just got home from work and being out with La Bella B. I've missed her. She gave me the big lowdown on the group. I've missed a lot. I need my bar. I can't wait to bring it home. Ben showed up and bought us dinner and coffee. He gave B a life plan. It was pretty funny. She's supposed to start saving for her trip to Italy and pick up more gigs on the side.

There's a woman at my work who has a client with a building downtown. At first he was going to sell it, but she convinced him to loft it out. They're almost done. I went to her today and groveled to be her little buyer's bitch. I told her I would commit to a schedule and we shook hands on dibs. I totally would be her buyer's agent if she could commit to me. That whole rent thing keeps coming up. That would be kicking gig if I get it. In the meantime, I'll pick something up. I'll get something going this week.

I'm in escrow and we're closing in 21 days. I know it's crazy, but I think I can do it. It'll all work out. You'll see.

Henry's playing some dates but I check and nothing in our area. I vacillate between wanting him to play Leonardo's, the Vault I mean, and not wanting him to play that venue. I mean it would be so cool to walk to the show, but somehow I don't want Hank to come to town because it's always a road trip of sorts to go to him. I'm undecided.

Alex's is having it's 5th birthday already. Can you believe it? It seems like only a little over a year or so. I love Alex. BJ said the Punk Sluts were going to play DiPiazza's, but I couldn't find anything out about it. I wonder if L will come to Alex's. That would be super cool. I'll tell CW and CI about it. How great would that be if we could hang out? That would be definite cool.



another mad ramble of The Shadow * 10:27 PM
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Swiss Boy stayed over last night. He just left. I may not see him again for a while. This morning when we went for coffee we ran into the Stairmaster. It was a little awkward. I certainly hope Swiss Boy doesn't just call me when he's in town to save on his hotel bill. His company pays for his accommodations, so I'm sure it's not the case.

Last night was fun. Swiss Boy always tries to be so romantic. He speaks to me in French and Italian. I have no idea what he's saying, but it all sounds so sexy. I wonder if the Stairmaster will call me now.

I'm on my way to tour with MP and AA. Today we'll probably get into the Stearns house and we're checking out some stuff in Willmore City. I love Willmore City. Even though it's in the heart of Cedarville, it's like a beautiful little oasis. Call me crazy, but I love Maryland, too. I know, I know, but if you just get past the chalk outlines on the ground and notice the amazing architecture. I'm telling you all now, after the Gateway project is complete and Cedarville has totally turned around, Maryland is next. Buy now and wait. Stay out of areas 9 and 11, though. They'll never turn around. Oh well, every city needs a bottom.

I hope I see TM on tour today. I know I won't see K because now that she's trying to sell that property again she's having all kinds of little issues that need clearing up. Of course, I already had most of them handled and could tell her who to call and what to do, but then why would I want to get involved? Exactly.

I don't know why life seems so good. I'm still broke. Must have been all that good sex last night. Come back, Swiss Boy! Come back. Actually, he's mentioned a couple of times me flying back to New York to see my sister. If he's serious, I'll take him up on it. Not right now though. New York in Winter sounds like fun, but I don't have the clothes or the temperament. Perhaps in the Spring.

I hope the Stairmaster calls me.


another mad ramble of The Shadow * 9:55 AM
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Monday, January 24, 2005

Today was a pretty good day. I was able to calm my poor clients down regarding getting out of the first nightmare escrow we were in with K. We slammed through the termite, disclosures, and preliminary title on their new escrow. We've got the appraisal and inspection lined up on the new place, and I was able to get them squared away with flooring and paint. Now I just have to make sure the HOA will take care of the tree trimming and that the seller will be able to get all tenant's crap out of there by close of escrow because it's a boatload of crap.

I don't know what to tell my other client. We've had so much interest in his place, but if he would just get the landscaping done we'd have offers and could get into escrow. Now the rain is coming again. So annoying. All the time I see really great places that would be perfect for him and they're all passing him by because he won't buy until he's sold and he's not sold because he can't get the landscaping done and it's all totally out of my control. I don't know if it's better to be showing him property he can't have and break his heart or not even tell him about it at all. But I have an obligation to show him everything available. What a drag.

Also, because MP and AA have been nothing but totally supportive and sweet to me I'm doing their transactions for them. It makes me feel kind of like a loser that they always take me to lunch all the time. I asked them if there was anything I could do for them and they're both in multiple monster transactions so I'm squaring their paper. This is good, I think.

I'm optimistic about getting my part time job. I know it's going back to a hospital, but I'm not going back to Femoral. Plus, if I get in the ER, it'll be like working with my eyes closed. All ER's are the same. I hope I hear back soon. Sometimes it can take forever to get on at a hospital.

I'm waiting for Swiss Boy. He's supposed to be here at 7 to have mad crazy sex with me. I miss him a little. I wish he would move back to LA so we could play together more often, but I'm wondering if he lived out here again if we really would see each other more often. It is what it is. I enjoy him because he's so fun and he never makes a big deal out of anything. An extra added bonus is that I always get my way with him. This is one reason I could never be in a real relationship with him. It's not good to always get your way because then you never know the whole truth.

Tonight he's bringing some Frenchie wine. We'll eat it with the peaches I got from AA. Swiss Boy still trips out on eating so much fresh fruit in the winter. I feel like I need something or want something but I don't know what it is. I kind of feel like I'm hungry but I don't know what I want to eat.

What is it? What do I want?



another mad ramble of The Shadow * 7:09 PM
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Sunday, January 23, 2005

My friend Johnny Carson died. I'm so sad. He was from Nebraska, just like my dad. They had similar looks and a very similar sense of humor. Today I went to a funeral. Is it okay to say I had fun at a funeral? I may get struck by lightning, but I have to say it. We had fun.

We saw a lot of the old crowd we used to work with. It's fun to tell people you left behind that you're starving in a garret and working as a property pimp, but wouldn't come back all the same. Everyone was so excited to see Ben and Shug. They wondered where Sean and Katrin were. We told everyone they'd been arrested for arranging a prison break for Damien, Jason, and Jessie and were in prison in Las Vegas. They asked where Brigid and Cait were. When we told them they were in San Francisco two different guys asked me if they were lesbians. Don't they fucking wish.

They asked about Gio and we told them he'd been admitted to a neuropsych hospital near the beach and was working on some paint by numbers. They shook their heads and said what a shame, he was so full of life. We told them Eng and Bibi were in Boston researching a cure for sexual dysfunction but that on certain evenings they did a twin Asian Persuasion exotic dance revue at an Irish pub. Of course, the fucktards believed every word we said. What a bunch.

I feel bad for S. She loved her son so much. She never spoke of him with disappointment or sadness or frustration. She loved him exactly for who and what he was and never demanded more. I don't know if that's totally sweet or if she was just this big giant enabler. None of my business I guess.

Then I got home to do laundry and writing assignments and I checked my messages and we're in Escrow tomorrow morning. I'm so excited for my poor buyers. Well, all right! Now we can all get on with our lives. And I can get paid in three weeks or less. Plus, I'm going to apply for two positions tomorrow.

For some odd reason I feel really optimistic. I wonder what's up with that?


another mad ramble of The Shadow * 7:52 PM
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Friday, January 21, 2005

I'm so tired. I wish I could just go home and sleep it off. I'm totally drained. I haven't heard back yet from our offer on the other condo. It's been since Tuesday night. So really, it's only been since Wednesday morning. I don't know what's going on with this seller. I think he's holding out for more money. There won't be any.

I'm looking for a job. I hope I find one soon. Health insurance would be a big relief. I'm very tired. Have I mentioned lately that I feel drained and headachey? Yeah, poverty is a drag.


another mad ramble of The Shadow * 6:38 PM
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Thursday, January 20, 2005

I threw the freeloader out last Friday. She is not an ethical real estate agent. It was asinine for me to get into an escrow with her. I had a bad omen several times during the whole thing. Before she had her seller sign the contract, I looked over at her desk. She's so loud all the time and throws her bad energy all around the room. I had a weird feeling like the lights had dimmed. But my buyer wanted the property so we went forward.

She didn't do one fucking thing during the whole transaction. Her seller turns out to be her pot dealer. The whole thing just kept getting worse and worse until finally the envelope was so stuffed it burst back open and camel's back copletely broke.

But really, my problem was me. I knew K was a leach the minute I met her. I knew she was bonkers and an addictive personality out of control and quite possibly a low-level sociopath. I don't know why I ever tried to help her. I don't know why I ever try to help anyone. I'm always helping, helping, helping and do I ever do anyone any good? Or do I just delay the lesson? I don't know.

Ben says my fences are broken. I guess so. He says my cows wander out and wolves wander in and I don't see it. That's not entirely true. I do see it. A lot of the time. I guess the problem is that I don't know which cows are mine, or what I'm supposed to do with them, and perhaps so many wolves have wandered in I'm confused and think I'm a wolf rancher.

I like being alone. I like living alone and having cute boys over for play dates. I went to have my hair done today. Thank Goddess I can still do that. How extra hard would life be if I couldn't go to the salon every five weeks and get pampered?

Once this whole thing with K gets settled, and my client is happy, I'll tell you all everything. She tried to pull a fast one and she got caught. I'm feeling so much better now. It was a relief to throw her out. She had one of the other agents help her get all her stuff out while I was back at the office starting damage control on the mess she made. He was kind of distant with me the next day so I just told him thanks for taking out the trash.

I can't wait for February 9th. I'm excited for Year of the Rooster to begin.


another mad ramble of The Shadow * 8:37 PM
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Tuesday, January 18, 2005

The freeloader is off my sofa. I keep finding little stuff of hers everywhere. Most of the meaningless crap I threw out in the alley in a cardboard box. Her book on Gangsters and her jeans and stuff like that I put in bag and left it on her desk in the office. I had a weird dream about this glass frame that she wanted and I let her have. It was a going away gift from management at the hospital. So not my style. She liked it and I told her she could have it. She left it at the house and I put it out in the alley. Last night I dreamed that I found it again in my house. I kept putting them in the alley. I found it in the bathroom, in the fridge, in my dresser drawers, everywhere here and there. I put them all out in the alley until suddenly there was another box out in the alley full of the glass frames. I woke up then because I thought I heard her key in the lock, but it was just part of the dream. What does it mean?

I've been cleansing the house with Sage and Dragon's Blood. I've scrubbed the floors and the bathroom. I rearranged my cabinets and threw out a lot of stuff. What else do I need to do? Katrin was suggesting I do a binding spell on her. I know she's left some of her hair here. It shouldn't be too hard to find. I guess I'll try it. What do I have to lose at this point?


another mad ramble of The Shadow * 9:24 AM
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Saturday, January 15, 2005

I quit my job at the hospital so that I could have fun. I wasn't having any fun working there and I wanted to do something else where I would meet interesting, intelligent people and have a lot of fun.

So far, that hasn't happened.

It's been almost a year and I'm really tired. I was in an okay spot financially before I started this whole craziness. I don't like this. I'm not having fun. I am looking for a job, and I hope I find one this month. I'm so far up the creek I'm on dry land again.

The good news is that the freeloader is off my sofa. The bad news is that I have lost my client and may be getting sued. How lovely. I may be coming down with Gio's disease. My symptoms are that the worse things get, the more I want to laugh and say fine, fuck it then.

So fine, fuck it then. This entire last year has been a gigantic waste of my time. I've lost money, time, and friends. I must walk in a new direction. Which direction should I try?

In the meantime, I'm cleansing my house with sage, and burning away negativity with Dragon's Blood, and forever cursing the name and well-being of the freeloader who started this fresh hell.

I heard from L today while I was on the phone with the attorneys. I wish I'd been able to answer the call. I feel bad that she called from London and I couldn't answer because I was listening to all the oncoming hell and damnation from the attorney. I can't call her back because I only have my cell phone and who knows how much longer that will last. Wait a minute, I feel a pang coming on. Fine, fuck it then. I'll call her from the work phone tomorrow or Monday. They can fucking pay for it.

I have to focus on getting a job now, for reals. Don't try to stop me.



another mad ramble of The Shadow * 1:22 PM
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Wednesday, January 12, 2005

Have you ever worked so hard at something, done all the footwork, dodged every bullet, jumped every hurdle, overcome every obstacle only to have everything fall apart at the last second? Have you?

This transaction with K has been pure shit from go. I want this escrow over with one way or the other, and I want that cocky, surly, ungrateful, idiot the fuck out of my house. It may not be mine for long, but I want her gone. I brought her an excellent buyer who put up with all her seller's bullshit and now the deal is falling apart and she still thinks she can strut around my house and talk shit like she's solid gold instead of a dirty snowman on a hot day. I'm going to have to let this snotty little bitch have it full force, but not yet. I'll take care of business first, then the personal. There's a storm on coming. It's not here yet, but it's definitely in the mail.

If she knows what's good for her she'll come back here with the right response, or she won't come back at all.


another mad ramble of The Shadow * 9:05 PM
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Monday, January 10, 2005

I think I just fucked up someone's life. I'm such an asshole. I was on my way to the mini market at the corner and there was this guy running around in his panties. It's freezing cold, very windy, and pouring down rain right now, and he's running around barefoot in boxer briefs (white, and completely see-through when wet, yikes) and a wife-beater under shirt that is practically down to his knees. I crossed the street when he was running my direction and he saw me and started rubbing himself against the building and yelling at the sky "pee on my face, mama! pee in my mouth!".\ I ran to the mini market and did my shopping. Two cops were in there getting their coffee and talking to Martin, the cashier. Before I left I looked out the door to make sure Mr. Crazy was gone and Martin asked me what I was doing. So I told him about Mr. Crazy and the two cops came up and asked me if I was okay, and I said yes. Then the bigger one asked me if he'd scared me and I said yeah, he's pretty scary. Mr. Crazy looks like he's on his 5th day awake and his vibe was just so freaky. So, I tell the cops yeah, he's really scary. The cops look at each other and say let's go.

So they beat it out of there and Martin and I just look at each other and then I say goodnight and I start walking back to my house. I turn the corner and I see the two cops beating the living shit out of Mr. Crazy. The big one has him down on the ground with his knee at Mr. Crazy's back, trying to cuff him. The other one is screaming at Mr. Crazy to hold still, which apparently his crazy ass couldn't, because he kept twisting out of their grip. I must have stood there, in the freezing cold windy rain, for about 10 minutes just watching all this shit go down. It seemed like hours. No one else was around.

Then two more cop cars show up and suddenly there's six cops all over Mr. Crazy beating his ass down and then I saw them put him in the back of the cruiser of the first two cops. They had him in that restraint where his arms and legs are cuffed all together behind his back. Even then he would not stop howling and twisting and wiggling. They got him in the cruiser and then they all drove away.

I walked home and called Jimmie. I started crying when I told him what happened and he just kept saying calm down, settle down. He sent one of his sisters over to take my statement or whatever. She just kept telling me that I need to see it from the cop's point of view that Mr. Crazy is a potential danger to himself and others, and he was probably resisting, and I don't know the whole story or how many times they'd encountered the subject before, and blah, blah, blah. I like Jimmie's sister. She's tough and sweet at the same time. I totally understand what she's saying and where she's coming from.

But it was so ugly. They were beating his ass down. It was just so violent and brutal and maybe it was necessary, or maybe Mr. Crazy deserved it or had it coming, but I wish I'd waited a while before going to the market. That's all I'm saying. I wish I hadn't seen Mr. Crazy, or said anything to Martin. I wish I'd stayed at the market with Martin a little longer, but he always acts like I come in there just to flirt with him and not get milk.

I wish I hadn't seen any of it.

I'm not going to the mini market ever again.


another mad ramble of The Shadow * 10:11 PM
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Jesus God I can't wait for this fucking escrow to fund, record, and close already. Then I can get paid. Of course the money will barely float through my fingers as it goes out to myriad bills and creditors. What a drag. But then, freeloader should be off the sofa any minute now. Every time I see her I try to give her a cheerful face as I ask if she needs boxes, or help packing. I ask her if she got approved for her new apartment, if she's lined up some guys to help her move her stuff, whatever. She's really getting sick of it. TFB. I think I'd be way more tolerant of her situation if she didn't spend all her energy being a surly cocky bitch while making messes all over my tiny apartment. And I really, really, really wish she'd stop using my stuff. I have to throw out my hairbrush. It's okay, I'll get a better one after she leaves.

My car wouldn't start this morning. It was running fine before I parked it on Saturday. Poor little old car. I have to get something sturdy, reliable, inexpensive, and stylish. For no more than $1500. I know. Actually, I'm off to walk around the corner to get some Cup O'Soup and one of those car buying magazines. Hopefully, I'll crack open the BMW section and find a car under 10 years old, in mint condition, with less than 60K miles, for the low, low, unbelievably low price of $1500 or best offer.

Okay, here I go out into the cold, windy rain. We haven't had a winter like this in over 150 years the weather boy said. The streets have been so flooded, like two or three feet from the curb. Last night when I went out I found a bunch of phone books and threw them into the gutter to make a little bridge. It's still there. Everyone's been using it. I swear, I'm a genius in my own strange little way.


another mad ramble of The Shadow * 7:41 PM
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Saturday, January 08, 2005

Once she's gone I'll tell you all about the idiot who's been sleeping on my sofa. I feel like I have no shred of humanitarian feeling for her left. She's just such an idiot and a bitch to boot.

It's cold. We are between storms. The storm tonight is supposed to be really really bad. I don't think I've ever seen weather like this. I think there was a mini earthquake this morning, too. I haven't heard anything about it, but when I was in bed everything in the room was tinkling and my candle holder was kind of swaying.

I'm tired. I have to drag my ass out of bed to go see Ben. He and the boys are dismantling the CrewBoyz Clubhouse. Alas, it is the end of an era. Rad will be renting Eng's place and the guys are storing all their stuff there.

Ben and I are going to have "the talk". I will have to assure him I am okay and that everything will be all right. I don't know how I'm going to do that, but somehow I will.

I've been working on a lot of writing lately. Nothing else to do since I have no money. I don't know where these particular stories are going, but we'll see.

I'm going out in the weather now. I don't care if it rains all over me. I'm tired of this cold little house.


another mad ramble of The Shadow * 1:30 PM
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Thursday, January 06, 2005

I feel a little better now. Only because the girl on my sofa is getting ready to leave this weekend. I'm getting paid a showing fee tomorrow, and I'm closing an escrow on Monday or Tuesday. That means I can put gas in my car and food on my table. I can't wait to stock up on LMT's.

It was kind of hard being at the weddings of my friends. I'm totally happy for all of them, but it was just such a milestone. Everyone was there and we're all so different now. I don't mean that anyone has changed so dramatically, it's just that we're evolving and it's cool and all, but just so different. People are getting married and having babies and buying houses and all that oh so mature stuff we're all supposed to be doing.

And what am I up to? Well, I decided to go starve in a garret because it's such exciting fun.

I checked my horoscope. This is supposed to be the best year for me in over a decade. Well all right. I'm ready to roll.


another mad ramble of The Shadow * 9:33 PM
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Saturday, January 01, 2005

Well since Carey has apparently abandoned the blog, I will just have to log on and update everyone on the happenings. Newsflash: drama at the New Year's Wedding - Extra Extra, read all about it here.

Also on CraigslistLA, which I fucking adore by the way, there is a posting by a girl, 35 in Southbay, looking for her Henry Rollins. It's a pretty funny read. Go there and read it before it expires in 10 days.

Let's see, what else? I'm about to drop this kid if he doesn't stop kicking. I swear, he's gonna puncture some of my internal organs if he doesn't knock it off. My hubby is already concerned I'm going to beat on the brat because when we were at the grocery store today I smacked my belly and told the baby to calm down in there. Am I the world's greatest mom, or what?

So, we got everyone married. Sean and Katrin are taking a honeymoon in Sedona, Arizona because Katrin has to check out some vortex activity. Sean doesn't care. He'll go wherever K wants him to as long as it's interesting. She makes it interesting.

I'll give you the highlights of Drew and Binh's shindig, but first I want to join the public outcry against Carey and her shitty attitude, so here goes:

Look, you ungrateful bitch - I know things aren't going your way. I know you are unhappy with your looks and your financial situation is scaring you shitless, but you need to knock off this depressed self-loathing get away from me or you'll catch my disease shit. I'm sick of it. It's boring.

You've gained back the weight you lost. Big fucking deal. Get back on your feet and lose it again plus more. You quit your shit job and spent your savings launching a new career. It hasn't taken off the way it was supposed to. Okay. Fine. Keep going. What else are you gonna do? Don't just sit there and cry like a big giant pussy. None of the guys you hooked up with this year have worked out. Oh fucking well. What do you want? Would you rather be in shit relationship just so you're not alone? It's better to be alone. Stop acting like you don't know this.

You need health, vision, and dental coverage. You need a new car. You need to finish making your place nice. You need a wardrobe update. You need to pay off a shitload of bills. Guess what? Don't we all. All your immediate problems can be solved by one thing: money. So go get some. If the gig's not paying, get a new gig. Stop acting like you don't know this.

Now for the meat. What is your fucking problem? Why are you hiding? People who know you and love you invite you out and you don't call back and you hide in your house. What's up with this shit? It's not you. Why are you acting like a recluse? And get that fucking freeloading bitch of your couch already or I'm coming over to do it for you.

Don't sit there and try to tell me that real estate is the gig you were born to play. Fuck it. If it's not paying, cut the gig. Go be a script supervisor again. Or go do event planning again. Or do something. Anything. What happened to the store you were going to open? Where are the books that you were going to publish? What the fuck is wrong with you?

You don't get any sympathy from me on the whole therabitch thing. I told you to cut that dumb bitch loose ages ago. If you're so fucked up, why hasn't she called? Exactly. Fuck her. There's nothing she can tell you that I won't. Is that why you don't call me anymore? Oh, and fuck you for not coming over on Thanksgiving. We didn't have any pecan pie and I had to do almost all the dishes myself, you bitch.

I miss you. I haven't heard a new, entertaining story for ages and ages. When we listened to the Henry show you just sat there. You had nothing to say and then I turned my back and you were gone. I don't care if other people are saying shit to hurt your feelings. Fuck them. You want me to kick his ass? I'll have Jimmie do it, cause I don't want to give the baby any ideas. We shouldn't have to do it for you. You used to be the kind of girl to do it yourself. Do you remember this? Actually, kidnapping that dog was classic. I really like that one. That married fucker should consider himself lucky you didn't burn down his fucking house like Left-Eye.

Your mother is a CUNextTuesday, to put it nicely. If certain people in your family still want to have contact with them, too bad. You don't get to dictate their behavior. Does it bother you so much you have to sever the ties? Then build a fucking bridge and get over it already. She's burned everyone and she'll burn them, too. You can't warn them away or prevent it. Try to be there for them when it happens or don't. Your choice.

Quit being such a fucking pussy. Get up and get out there. Quit acting like a washed up hasbeen. You fucking hag. You make me so mad. If I was still single I could've taken over the world by now. Get your ass out there and fucking do it, you goddamn lazy bitch. I mean it. Don't make me come over there and bust down your door and say all this shit to your face. You fucking better call me back. I'll give you 24 hours.

Okay, enough of that shit. I know you're all just waiting to hear about the big fat Vietnamese wedding, so here goes:

Bride - beautiful, young, successful, spoiled, a little pouty, extremely drunk by the end of the night.
Groom - young, well-dressed, outrageous, extremely drunk from beginning to end.

This wedding was the most expensive, elaborate, over-the-top, extravaganza ever. The cake was 12-tiers. 12. It had two side-cakes and was covered in beautiful pink cascading roses and silver leaves. The bride and groom on top actually looke a little like Drew and Binh. Gee, could that be because they were hand painted by an artist? There were balloons and flower arrangements and silk banners and every damn thing they sell in Bride magazine. The ceremony was very nice and actually kind of simple. The guys all looked really great. Gio wrote a bunch of stuff with white pen on the bottom of Drew's shoes. It was cute.

I was holding my breath a little during the ceremony, but it went off without a hitch. Then we went to the reception.

This place was unbelievable. The entire room was divided into three areas by draping pink and gray shears. The first area was for the dancing and DJ. The second area was the tables, and the last area was for the gifts and the cake. There was also a place for pictures with a backdrop and all, like we were a the prom.

The gift table was so obnoxious I could hardly stand it. These people were constantly trying to outdo each other by not even wrapping the shit so everyone could see what they were giving. The bride and groom certainly cashed in. They got iPods, laptops, desktops, a satellite radio system, a TV as big as my entertainment center, gift certificates for thousands to home stores, linen stores, baby stores (she's not even pregnant yet!), department stores, and it just went on and on and on forever.

We got them a set of frames.

So we all sat down and the DJ is up there doing his blah, blah, blah, some in English, some in Vietnamese. We have a huge catered meal that was unbelievable. Lobster, shrimp, chicken, tenderloin, tomato bisque, it was like Martha Stewart was doing community service in the back kitchen.

The fun started when Gio and Mr. Steve had a bread fight from their table to the Groom's table. Jimmie stepped in. After dinner it was dancing. Then the surprise came. Ben went up to the DJ and made him step down. Then our favorite all punk cover band came onstage and announced themselves as Henry Rollins' Futon and all hell broke loose.

The first song they played was She's a Senssation, and Ben announced Drew and Binh as Mr and Mrs. It was fucking great. I thought Binh's dad was going to have a coronary. Her mom was very upset and apparently doesn't like not getting her way. Maybe that's where Binh gets it. The guys jumped up on the tables and were dancing and throwing bottles of champagne to each other. I'm really surprised none of the tables collapsed or tipped over. It became a fucking free for all.

They played all the classic wedding songs: With or Without You, At Last, When I Fall In Love, you know this list. It was loud and fast and punk and it was perfect. We had so much fun!

All the girls wanted to dance with my guys. I let Jimmie dance with everyone. I'm so glad Rachel came. It was good to have her in the groove again. I'm glad I saw Carey dancing, too.

The boys did some unsavory things with the bridesmaids, but I won't go into that. It was consensual, so who gives a shit, really?
I highly suspect that not all the wedding gifts will be accounted for when the happy couple go to open them all. Well, that's what you get for showing off your decadence. For my part, I'm glad we all didn't just sit there and take that perfect wedding shit without flinching. We rocked the house. I think Carey should hook up with the lead singer of the all punk all cover band. He looks like he needs a good woman in his life.

Okay, that's it from me. Congrats to Drew and Binh. I opted for the Vegas quickie. You're a braver couple than me and Jimmie. Though, I'm sorry I have to say it, Katrin and Sean's handfasting was the most beautiful ceremony I've ever seen.



another mad ramble of The Shadow * 9:55 PM
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