Friday, September 30, 2005

I just showed property at night. What the fuck? Am I this desperate? I need a need a new escrow. I need money again. What a big surprise. I'm tired of this crap. Maybe I should just go become an escrow officer. That would be pretty 9 to 5, but I could make a buck. I'll look into it. I have to have a contingency plan.

I'm sick. I have this flu that's going around. I've also discovered that my boss is a Scorpio Horse. Did I fuck myself up with that, or what? And guess who just resurfaced? Swiss Boy has been calling me. He's coming back to town. That's interesting. I wouldn't mind seeing him. But ask me how I feel about it tomorrow.

another mad ramble of The Shadow * 8:29 PM
____________________________

Sunday, September 25, 2005

Yesterday I went to Drew and Binh's baby's funeral. They named him Andrew Sokha. That's all I'll say about that right now because I have an appoinment supposedly coming in and I don't want to start crying again and make my face all red.

I don't know if I want to be a Real Estate agent anymore. People suck. The money would be great if it was consistent. I'll tell you what, though. If people only knew how much effort went into it, they'd back off us. Everyone thinks we make too much money and they're always trying to renegotiate our fees and cut us up. Bastards. If they only knew how much hustle and muscle went into every goddamm deal. Plus, about 75% is all for nothing because the sons of bitches take off on you. I hate people. They all suck.

I want to start selling stuff in a store. I want to open a metaphysical gift shop. I'd like it be in a big house with a...oh, nevermind. It'll never happen and anyway I'm done giving valuable information away for free. I'm going to pitch a reality show about Real Estate agents and what they go through. I'm also going to write a book about living in poverty. Actually, I should just write a romance novel. I see all these stupid books like Shopaholic and Shopgirl everywhere. I wouldn't even have to write it. I could just take real life situations of my friends and me and change the names around and bang, I got me a bestseller. Of course, I wouldn't have any friends left, but who needs friends? Me. I do. Forever and ever, amen.

another mad ramble of The Shadow * 9:27 AM
____________________________

Sunday, September 18, 2005

This whole weekend sucks. Both of my appointments cancelled on me. What is it with people? I don't know. I'm going to start an eBay store just to supplement me. I'm sick of flakes. I rebuke all the flakes of the world. On my way to the office this morning there was a man standing on the corner of 2nd and Bayshore yelling at the cars to repent and to rebuke the evildoers. He looked hot. No, that's not what I mean. He was wearing a suit and a hat, kind of old skool formal.

I need another escrow. MP and I are getting on the notary registry. What could I sell in my eBay store? I only want to sell something good. Maybe I could sell some fragments of the cross of Christ? Oh, yes. People would definitely throw money away on that.

I'm not really into what's going on with my life. I'm grateful for my job and the opportunity, but I've come to realize that I don't really want to sell real estate. I want to invest in real estate. Everyone keeps saying I should sell my Nana's recipe. I guess I'll look into doing that. How would someone even begin?

I went to a seminar yesterday afternoon where you were supposed to get in touch with yourself and all that kind of stuff. It was dead blank for me. Some people were so emotional and some were even crying. I just sat there. I don't know what the fuck I want. The speaker was saying to just write down your wildest fantasies. I don't really have any. I'd like to come up with the definitive evidence that Jon Mark Byers killed those boys and I'd like Dubya to come let Damien, Jason, and Jessie out of prison himself. I'd like to be rich. Actually, I'm not sure if I would. I'd like to not have to sweat the light bill. I'd like to fall in love with someone who's in love with me. I'd like to adopt a Chinese baby girl. I'd like to be able to just write. Just write and write and write my stories and my thoughts. Not for publication, but just to get them out of my head and onto paper.

I don't know what I want to be when I grow up. Happy. That's what I want to be. Can anyone enlighten me on how to do that? I didn't think so.

another mad ramble of The Shadow * 12:17 PM
____________________________

Monday, September 12, 2005

This day totally sucks. My Polio Flesh order got cancelled because some lucky sucker bought the book off the shelf and the bookseller never changed his inventory list. I cursed him with weavils in the pages.

Last night I was supposed to go out with a boy I met at the bookstore, but I ditched him and stayed home and cleaned my house. I got everything organized and cleaned and put away. I feel good. He just wanted to have mad sex with me anyway. I can do that on my own.

I'm so busy at work, but I don't know where my next escrow is coming from. I need to get Notary Now going. I should call SL so I can find out about that.

I went to La Bella B's birthday on Saturday. It was fun. We went to Canal Club in Venice. I swear, that crowd always plans things by making sure it's crowded and has no parking. This is how they make their friends prove their love to them.

I drove by the house on Brooks on my way and also on my way back. On the way I saw the lady outside on the phone. On my way back, I noticed that the street doesn't match. On one side it's so regular Venice, then the other side it's bars on the windows and ghetto boys shuffling back and forth. It's an invisible line. I knew it was, but it never really occurred to me before like it did on Saturday.

Sunday I had to show property all flipping day. I had to drive up Nichols Canyon, which is actually Gennessee in case anyone doesn't want to get lost forever like I did. My boss has an insane client who is from Iran and has a lot of cash and has decided that she wants to live somewhere in the "lovely hills". Whatever. I hate the hills. The roads are so skinny and raggedy and everyone drives a Hummer and the way they drive, they make those straight. It took me over an hour to find this house, that's not even actually for sale. It's a place she visited a year ago and has decided she'd like to make an offer because she likes the view. I think she's retarded. If she wants a lovely view in the hills we should be putting her in Rolling Hills or something. I think she's also full of crap. She hasn't given me proof of funds and I have a feeling her cash is still in country. We'll never get it out. I'm not writing offers on property that I can't close and I don't care if it's a $2.50 condo or a $2.5 million estate. Plus, she's kind of a bitch.

I'm tired. I want to take a nap. I've started a new diet. It better work. All the lights are out in LA right now. I hope everyone is okay.

another mad ramble of The Shadow * 1:21 PM
____________________________

Monday, September 05, 2005

I just bought End to End and Polio Flesh from an online book dealer. It's my escrow closing gift to myself. I ran around all morning collecting clothes and shoes from my friends for the Katrina families my office adopted. Rho gave a bunch of stuff Mr. Baby has already grown out of because he's a baby hulk. Ben gave a lot of stuff and he threw in a bunch of scrubs. I thought that was kind of odd, but he wears them as pajamas so maybe someone else will like them for that, too.

I had a nice open house and now I'm waiting for SN to come over and go out to dinner with me. I met someone last night and he wanted to come home with me. It was late, though. Actually, it's just that I'm not into sleeping with anyone right now. My libido is pretty healthy, but the thought of getting physical with someone I hardly know has zero appeal. Flirting was fun and I'd like to get to know him, but not like that. He asked me out, but we're both busy. Maybe next weekend. Yeah, if he even remembers my name.

I'm just all about work right now. I have to make money so I can seize my opportunities. I'm buying a house within the next twelve months. Come hell or high water, I'm buying a house. I'm tired of struggling.

I have a lot of writing that I need to get on paper, so to speak. Time management is what I need. I wish someone would pay me to just sit around and think and write and be creative. I'm supposed to be taking part in two different film projects before the end of the year. I'm just scared the market may slow down. I have to get Notary Now flying. I don't like being hungry. I don't like it one bit.

another mad ramble of The Shadow * 5:51 PM
____________________________

Saturday, September 03, 2005

I don't want to be a real estate agent anymore. I just want to be independently wealthy so I can write and make my little films and get my Ph.D in Metaphysics and just live my life. Wouldn't that be so much better? I told MP that we have to get Notary Now off the ground and really running because I'm sick of people. I hate time-wasters and bullshitters and lookie-loos. I'm sick of them. I'm not taking anyone shopping without a buyer/broker agreement, either. Anyone who wastes my time is getting a nice little curse, too. Screw me and lose your dream home. That's my curse.

The port is out of control right now. It's worse than when there was a terrorist threat months ago. Ships are lined up past the Bush Islands and they just go on forever. The stevedores and longshoremen have been on the clock and going over the bridges is scary. They have almost all the cranes operating and the pilot's can't park them fast enough. The trains have been going day and night. I ususally can't hear the trains so much from my place, but all last night I heard them going all night and the ship's horn's, too. It's so crazy.

We've been collecting clothes, and money for some other agents with my company in Louisiana and Mississippi who lost everything. Our office adopted three families. One of the agent's aunt was found floating down the street. I don't understand why she couldn't send her aunt money to leave, but I know the situation is bigger than me. I try not to judge.

I'm tired. I want relief from the heat. I'm in a really bad mood and I'm trying to snap out of it.

another mad ramble of The Shadow * 6:26 PM
____________________________