Tuesday, June 28, 2005

We are all going up to see the King Tut exhibit. Everyone's going and Baby is staying with his grandmother. It's going to be a mad house. I'm excited, but it makes me feel like a loser because I was supposed to be in Egypt by now. Close as I can get is Vegas and LA.

I feel dead inside. I don't know what the fuck my problem is. I feel a sense of urgency to get it figured out. Here are the big life questions I have: What the fuck is my problem? Why am I here? What good am I to anyone?

I know I sound like a whiner and a crybaby. I'm trying to get over that. It's just that my life seems so fucking lame. If I died in my sleep tonight would it matter? I'm not wondering in that junior high funeral fantasy way. I know there would be a hole left where I'm standing for my friends and some of my family. But in the ultimate scheme of things, what the fuck am I doing here? Why am I on this planet in this body in this lifetime? Is there something I'm supposed to be doing? I really need to know.

I really, really need to find out. Soon.

another mad ramble of The Shadow * 2:41 PM
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Sunday, June 26, 2005

I've spent the entire day trying to make the desktop work. I finally gave up. I don't care anymore. I'm just going to give it all to a charity and buy a new computer. I can get something adequate on the cheap.

All of Ben's furniture and appliances were delivered yesterday. It was a fucking madhouse. Everything's working. I got kicked out of the loft because I couldn't decide if I wanted his sofa to face South or West. Shug dropped his end and wouldn't pick it up so that was that. I bet it's still exactly where he put it down which is the middle of the space.

I think when everything's together and done it's going to be sooooooo fabulous. It will inspire Ben for his new life as resident du jour at UCI. Then when he meets red hot uber chicks he'll have the mad cave to hang out in. We're supposed to go shopping at TJ's and Whole Foods to get everything a growing boy and a dog and a Shug need.

I'm exhausted. I'm not having a very good Lupus time. I have found this supergreat stuff that works wonders on my lovely Lupus rash. It's called aminogenesis and it makes it all go away. It even faded my nasty scar on my ankle from when I fell through the floor in that complete shithole in Cedarville. Do you know they're moving that house in like two weeks? Good fucking riddance. Normally I support the saving of almost any structure of architectural character, but that house can burn to ashes for all I care.

I don't know where my next paycheck is coming from. I'm in hustle mode. TS and KH will buy from me, but I just don't know when. BR already put in an offer with me, but it's not about need with him, it's just about the property. P is looking and I hope he calls me again. I would love to sell him a loft just like Ben's. LG says she has a buyer for me but I don't know if she can come through. It would be good if she could, but I'm not confident.

Here's the thing about this job: it doesn't depend on me. It all depends on other people. I don't really like depending on other people as the only thing you can rely on is that they are sure to disappoint. I wish I could be someone's buyer's agent. Then it wouldn't depend so much on other people. Then all I would have to do is come through. Then all I would have to do is what I enjoy. I could get to know people, shop for property, and put deals together. I hate shopping for clients. I miss having a steady paycheck.

another mad ramble of The Shadow * 4:32 PM
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Monday, June 20, 2005

I went to Vegas with Sandee over the weekend. It was insane. I'm not into the whole Vegas scene. We went for LM and UU's wedding which didn't even end up happening. I lost all my money on the I Dream of Jeannie game. Good thing it was only $50.

We left at 10pm on Friday night and checked into the divey dive at around 230am. We went straight over to check out the Wynn. It's fabulous. It's all done up like a fantasy Moroccan wedding cake. That's the best description I can give you. They do not have the I Dream of Jeannie game at the Wynn. Perhaps if Steve Wynn could see well he would play the game and know how fun it is. I should write a letter.

We went back to the dive and slept until around 10am. We got up and went to check out the Venetian. By far my favorite Vegas hotel. It's like a fairytale palace and it has incredible attention to detail. I like that. We ate at Zefferini's and watched a wedding. We got tickets for the gondola and then wandered all around to check out the place. The only downside was all the idiots, morons, assholes, and freaks wandering around, too. We went to see the Guggenheim gallery and listened to Jeremy Irons talk about the Egyptian exhibit. I love Egypt. It was thrilling. I wanted to go again but it was time for our gondola ride.

The gondolier sang to us in Italian O Sole Mio and he turned the gondola around in circles for Sandee because he'd never seen anyone like her in all his life. That's what he said. She gets that a lot. Mostly it's the black boys who fall in love with her at first sight. It's a blessing and a curse.

We then went back over to the Wynn to have an ice cream at Sugar and Ice. It's the coolest. The interior is so Amelie. It drove Sandee insane because these guys who'd seen us there the night before came in and sat next to us. They tried to impress her with all their feats of sport. It was tedious. We left there and went over to the shops at the Forum. Caesar's Palace has to be the most over the top obnoxious place I've ever seen. It just went on and on and on. We went into the main entrance and there was a huge mannequin display for Victoria's Secret. The water was pink and the mannequins all looked like supermodels. They were all dressed in wings and lingerie, but some were like demon supermodels wearing huge dragon wings. It was surreal. I can't tell you how many guys we saw getting a picture taken with the fake supermodels just in the 30 minutes we were there. Just as Sandee's new stalkers showed up we left.

We ran over to the Bellagio and went to the gallery there. We saw a really cool exhibit of the realists transforming to the impressionists. Corot through Van Gogh. Van Gogh always makes Sandee sad. She was in a little funk for about an hour after that. So I let her go out to the pool. The Bellagio doesn't have the I Dream of Jeannie game, either. Curiously, it was also built by Steve Wynn. Coincidence or conspiracy?

I met back up with Sandee and we had lunch in the lounge. I forget the name of the lounge but it's the one that has the balcony which overlooks the water. The fake lake. We tried to watch the water show but there were too many wedding parties that kept walking through to get their picture taken on the balcony. We ate a cheese and meats platter and drank Bellagio cocktails through two sets of the world's best cheesy lounge band. Sandee would have thrown the singer her panties but she wasn't wearing any. She had her bathing suit on underneath her dress.

After that we went over to Paris because I wanted to go up the mini Eiffel tower even though I'm so scared of heights. It was really lame. Lame factor one: packed like human sardines into the elevator to the top. Lame factor two: Assholes everywhere!

Sandee held my hand and we found a place right in front of the Bellagio so we could watch the water show right as the sun finished going down. It was really cool. Even up there the water sounds like cannons going off. There was a huge glittery woman who kept bumping into me and getting closer and closer until I wanted to just scream at her "Fuck it. Let me just take my pants off right here so you can just put them on and leave me the fuck alone". But I didn't because it might have been inappropriate and I didn't want to spoil the trip for others. Sandee ended up giving her brat the what for because he was swinging on the telescope and he smacked an old Asian man in the head with it. The fat glittery woman didn't even notice.

After that we shagged back over to the hotel and got all dolled up for the Island Wedding of all time. We got back to Mandelay Bay and finally found everyone else. We waited and waited for UU to show and he actually never did. I don't know what the deal was, but if you're at a Samoan wedding and the alleged groom has not shown up, it's a good idea to get the fuck out of there toot sweet, baby. So we bailed before all hell opened and demons flew out to chase his ass down.

We took the monorail back to the Venetian area where the car was parked. And then Sandee's stalkers saw us from across the street. Yes, she has that kind of hair. I swear to the gods that I will impulsively vomit all over the next guy who tries the "just one drink" shit on me again. When some of her island boys showed up her stalkers finally got the hint and left us alone.

We went back to the hotel and packed up and split. On the way out of town we stopped at Sean and Katrin's house and left silly notes for them all around. Figures the only weekend we come to visit they're in Mexico.

Vegas is an overdone place. It's not for me.

I hope LM doesn't take UU back.

another mad ramble of The Shadow * 9:33 PM
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Tuesday, June 14, 2005

I closed escrow on my crazy four units today. Now I have to find him an upleg, too. He's totally ambivalent about working with me. Selfish bastard. I didn't do a good enough job for him? I have to still try to convince him that I can come through for him. I gave him a 10 unit building that's just been rehabbed. He sniffed at it. It's not even on the MLS. I'm a little pissed at him. Fucking investors. They're so fickle. Oh, it's Tuesday. That means I don't feel like buying anymore. Fine. I'll just find someone else to buy.

Ben's loft is almost done. I think it's really going to look amazing. I can't wait for him to get home in two weeks to see it. He better love it. I think he will. If he doesn't I suppose he'll just have to start over. Starting over is getting tedious for Ben.

AS left today for Grad School. I'm excited for her. Her road trip partner totally screwed her at the last second. I almost went. I hesitated and then I decided I could ride cross country and fly home. During my hesitation her mother got all wound up about a mother daughter trip and that was that. Now AS is all pissy with me because she'll be trapped in her car with her mother for five days. It sucks. It came so out of the blue, though and I just had to have a minute to think. I was packed and ready to go, but her mother was determined.

Now I'm all antsy to go somewhere and do something fun. I called Sandee and told her we need to go to Vegas this weekend. Like I need to convince her. We're going for a coupon run. Bellagio, Paris, The Venetian, Luxor, oh yeah, baby. Look for us. We're there.

another mad ramble of The Shadow * 5:14 PM
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Thursday, June 09, 2005

I'd like to share with you all today about a woman with whom I work in our office. Actually, I don't work with her, I conflict with her. Can I get a witness? Lord, this woman is a test, a trial, and a tribulation for this soldier of God Almighty.

I'd like to throw her down a flight of stairs.

Where should I start? I'll start with her appearance. She's in her mid to late 40's and is desperately trying to look 26. She's colored her hair that really dark phony raven red and she wears cheap red lipstick which by the afternoon makes her lips look orange. She has big round eyes and otherwise sharp features. In her natural state she's kind of creepy looking. In her made up state she's downright frightening. She wears a lot of heavy 80's glam rocker make-up. It makes her look really trippy.

Speaking of the 80's, let's talk about her wardrobe. Shoulder pads, anyone? Big buttons, polka dots, bright-colored low-heeled pumps, you know this story. She also likes to wear really "sweet" outfits that make her look like Rebecca from Sunnybrook farm. It's that whole Laura Ashley, GunneSax, mid-80's I'm Born-Again, but my wardrobe isn't look. It's tedious.

More tedious than her look is her attitude. See, she's Born Again. That doesn't make her pefect, just forgiven. Praise Jesus. I wonder if Jesus is aware of how much she talks about him. I wonder how apalled or disgusted he would be if he knew the things being said and done in his name. I think he'd probably help me throw her down the stairs.

She talks nonfuckingstop about The Lord. No matter who she's talking to, whether it's the receptionist, the office manager, another agent, the broker, her client, someone else's client, it doesn't matter to her as long as she gets to name drop the big guy. It's so fucking obvious that's what she's doing.

She reminds me exactly of all these countless twobits who talk nonfuckingstop about how they went to some fabulo shindig in the HoWood Hills and how so and so was there and how they danced with this celebrity from that show, you know that show where such and such happens, and how they drank a Lemondrop with the girl from the AT&T commercial and how they discussed the goddam meaning of fucking life with Sandra Bullock's personal assistant.

When Miss Phonyface talks about The Lord all the time it's really ugly. Because she's ugly. I'm not just talking about her outsides. Her insides are putrid. She's so full of hate and malice. Someone's always "screwing" her over. Someone's always being used as a tool of Satan to get her. For some reason, she's so fucking important in The Lord's army that she's being hunted and tracked by all kinds of demons and the dark one himself is constantly trying to trick her off the path.

It's incredible what a fucking miserable whore this woman is. I'm not just calling her names. She's miserable and she's a whore. She hates her daughter. She's always telling everyone what a disappointment her daughter is because she's smoked pot and is an unwed teen mother. I think she hates her daughter because she's a bad reflection on mommy. Having a grandkid only two years younger than her perfect son must really put a crimp in it.

She's forever capping on anyone who doesn't believe exactly as she does. She calls them nonbelievers and turns her nose up like the word even smells like shit. Nonbelievers are a bane to her existence. They're in front of her at the grocery store. They're next to her at the beach. They live on her block. Their kids go to her kid's school. They're everywhere. It's like her whole world is infested with nonbelievers.

It's very hard for her. It's a trial and tribulation. She only goes to Born Again doctors and dentists. She's trying to get her kid into Born Again pre-school. She buys her cars from Born Again car dealers and goes to Born Again restaurants and goes on Born Again vacations.

What I've noticed, though, is that she has no problem selling a nonbeliever's house. She has no problem whatsofuckingever leading nonbeliever's around by the nose until she's convinced them to buy some horrible matchstick and blue crackerbox sitting in an active oil field. Her favorite thing to do is double-end a sale where she represents the seller and the buyer. I think pretty soon this is going to be illegal in California. You cannot represent both sides in a fair fiduciary and non-biased manner. No one can, it can't be done. Agents are supposed to be doing what is best for the client and not what is best for them. Miss Phonyface says that she works for the big man upstairs and this keeps her from the worldly traps of the nonbelievers.

She's such a retard.

I looked her up and I saw that a lot of her listings expire. I've heard a lot of complaints from her clients are about the whole Born Again tradition of shoving Jesus pie down everyone's throat. So inappropriate and unprofessional. How does she get away with it without being sued? I don't know. When she would write her statistics on the productivity board shw would put her name with Jesus next to it. We started making fun of her and asked her if HeyZeus was her pool boy. She didn't get it. She said Jesus was her co-pilot. I hope her plane crashes.

So here's the latest thing Miss Phonyface did. She had a listing and things weren't going well between her and the couple. She says it's because she's 10 times prettier than the wife and the husband has been calling her a lot. Yes, she actually said that she's 10 times prettier than the wife. So she passed it on to a guy in the office who brought in the buyer. She made him do all the work for 10% of her commission, which wasn't too terrible because he would be getting his commission off the buyer and the paperwork would be just duplicate anyway. That deal went south because Miss Phonyface doesn't know how to negotiate a deal and her clients hate her guts. So she goes back to the agent who just lost his buyrs because of her and proposes he still handles the sellers with their new buyer who is represented by another company. For the same 10 fucking percent.

Naturally he told her to go fuck herself and said he wouldn't even pick up the file for less than 50%. So she told him that The Lord was instructing her to find someone else who would do it for 10%. Because The Lord wants to fuck everyone up the ass? Everyone basically told her to kiss their as on her way to hell. Last time I saw her she was crying in the broker's office about how everyone was mistreating her.

I can't stand her. I try not to hate or react in anger, but it's really hard around her. I laughed when I saw her crying in the office. It's wrong of me. I should ask The Lord for help.

another mad ramble of The Shadow * 3:53 PM
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Monday, June 06, 2005

I've spent this entire weekend in Ben's loft accepting delivery of appliances and choosing paint colors and supervising the stupid dumb idiot tile guys. They kept trying to put in the wrong color tile and we finally got into a huge screaming match and I broke some of the tiles and the fat idiot called me a bitch and they left. The quiet one came back the next morning with the right color and got the whole job done in one day. I hate the fat ugly one and i better never see him again in Ben's house.

The appliance people brought the wrong appliances. I got into a fight with them, too. I couldn't break anything though because the stuff is too heavy. I think I may have broken my toe by kicking the fridge. Thank the Universe that the lighting was already done and works.

I have a great idea for Ben's place. I think I can make it look really perfect before he gets home. All the stuff is coming this week. I'm running around like a headless chicken trying to close escrow on my crazy four units and get Ben's place ready. It's nerve wracking.

Plus, there's drama elsewhere and I'm just plain worn out. I want a vacation. I want to go to a faraway place where no one knows me, no one cares, no one needs me, no one calls me, some magical place where everyone just leaves me alone and lets me relax.

Dream on.

another mad ramble of The Shadow * 9:39 PM
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