Friday, April 30, 2004

All day long at work I was thinking what I would write when I finally got home. Now I'm so damned tired I can't think of a blessed thing to say. I've been waiting and waiting for two checks to come in the mail and save me and so far neither has showed. I'm supposed to stay positive and make a self-hypnosis tape tonight. What can I say? I am ballerina thin? I am a money magnet? Lots of good solid easy clients list with me? I sell 5 or more homes a month? I drive a beautiful shiny new white BMW 325ic with all features? I have an unbelieveably good sex life? Ian MacKaye and I are engaged to be married and he loves me so much he doesn't mind if I have sex occasionally with Henry Rollins? I live in a beautiful Eichler original home with hardwood floors, original tile, gorgeous rose landscaping, in a beautiful upscale neighborhood close to the beach, and it's filled with Heywood Wakefield and mid-century modern furniture and design pieces? I travel all over Europe and Asia to see the remnants of ancient cultures? All my writing is well-received by influential industry people and I have my choice of turning down or accepting lucrative offers? I am a beautiful, young, sexy, energetic, wealthy, well-living, happy happy happy girl? What? What should I write as my goals? Should I just say that all my friends are happy and well wherever they are and that wherever we go we think of each other? I can't say that. It's just too fucking sad. It's sadder than the ending of Friends or Sex In The City. By the way, am I the only person alive that didn't know Ross and Rachel had a baby? I found out a while ago that Monica and Chandler got married, but you know who really gives a shit about that show? Life is not a Friends episode. Real life should be infinitely funnier and way more heart warming and time consuming. I mean Jesus God people. Turn that shit off already.

another mad ramble of The Shadow * 8:48 PM
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Tuesday, April 27, 2004

I forgot half of my Jenny Craig lunch today. It was so beastly hot I didn't want to leave the office, but I walked over to Bristol Farms and wandered the aisles. At first I was so hungry I thought I would buy a big cupcake with Kermit the Frog on it. Then I decided I didn't want to throw away my 11 pound weight loss on Kermit. I walked around the aisles looking for something I could eat discreetly. Normally we have a lot of fruit at the office but the last person that sent us a gift sent the hugest box of See's assorted truffles I've ever seen. I haven't had any. I don't want the people at the office to think I'm a slob. I walked around Bristol Farms and I saw so many good things to eat and I began pricing them in pounds. I'll have that Kermit cupcake in another 10 pounds. The Godiva hot fudge sundae will be in 25 pounds. The chocolate suicide mini cake with walnuts will be in 40 pounds. And when I've reached my goal weight I'm going to the Shenandoah to have Southern Fried Chicken and Apple Vanity Cakes with Honey Butter. Delicious rich comfort foods will cost me pounds of flesh. I am a Shylock unto myself. I finally bought a small bag of salted peanuts and that tied me over until dinner. Everyone breathe softly and whisper. I may have a client.

another mad ramble of The Shadow * 8:28 PM
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Sunday, April 25, 2004

I don't know. Maybe Henry Rollins hates L.A. Maybe we're in some kind of fight. Was it something I said? It's cool. I went down to Diego and we saw him. My friend Rad is so strange. He can be thoroughly enjoying himself and still not smile. Maybe it's that whole former Yugoslavian thing. Maybe he's one of those people that thinks if he lets on how much he's enjoying himself or how much he likes something he'll never be able to enjoy it again somehow. He's always so neutral. I don't know. Rad's from a whole different reality than me. We hardly speak the same language philosophically. He's one of those European trained braniac 2000 models of strong, slightly built but works out to bulk up kind of guys. And he quit smoking when he got to California. I don't what that's really about but I'm glad he did. Rhonda and Jimmy were great. They're still so much in love, but it was bugging me kind of. I don't know that it's jealousy but I wish I could be in a relationship like that. Except that it wouldn't be like that because I'm not Rhonda nor am I Jimmy. What? Not making any sense? Well, can't you just expand your imagination and at least try to keep up with me? The rest of my gang went to see Rollins in Vegas. The only good part of it was the actual show and everything else pretty much was total suckage and damage control. We're falling apart and disintegrating into our basest elements, just like Ben said. There's no denying it. I think someone got married in Vegas. I'm thinking it was either Binh and Drew or Sean and Katrin. My guess is Sean and Katrin because I know Binh has been planning the biggest fattest Vietnamese wedding for almost a year now. I don't know. Life just feels like a new dress that doesn't quite fit but that I have to wear because I have nothing else that goes so well with my shoes.

another mad ramble of The Shadow * 2:08 PM
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Sunday, April 18, 2004

I just almost beat the crap out of the cable guy. I came home Friday night from a whacky day at work and all of a sudden for no apparent reason my stupid TV wouldn't get any reception. I don't know what the hell the problem was because I know I overpaid the last bill so actually, they kind of owe me money. So they said they were sending the guy out this morning, which I knew actually meant this afternoon in cable company time. I had to get up and drag myself out of Rho's place, where Enoch has decided that sniffing my panties is his favorite new fun, whether I'm wearing them or not. I got home just in time to prevent the cable jerk from fleeing the scene of the crime. He told me they had put a trap on my line but couldn't for any reason say why they would have done so. He fixed the TV, but then the internet wouldn't work, and everyone knows that's worse. Without TV you can't watch the world, without the internet, there seems to be no world. Wow. Maybe I need to disconnect and go out and play. After the cable jerk fixed the TV he tried to flee again. Good thing I have enough brain cells working to check my phone and internet. I had to run out into the alley and stand in front of his truck so he wouldn't leave. He tried to give me the customer service speech about how he had to hit the road so he would be on time to his next appointment like he was on time for mine. I reminded him that he wasn't on time for my appointment. He argued that I was late as well, to which I responded that I had timed it perfectly because I was psychic, which was also how I knew he wasn't leaving until all my cable services were working properly. I think he wants to kill me now. I really don't care. I made him get his lazy cable jerk ass back inside and fix the internet which makes the phone work too. He was really mad, but you know what? Too fucking bad is right.

Oh. I'm also more in lust/fan admiration with Henry Rollins than ever. I don't think there's a cure for my disease. He made Rad laugh so hard rum and coke came out of his nose. Go see the show. Go now. Go see him at the House of Blues in Vegas. When you run into the ragtag remains of The Crew, kiss them all for me. Yes, even Mr Steve. And tell Gio his head injury grace period for assholity has expired.

another mad ramble of The Shadow * 3:39 PM
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Saturday, April 17, 2004

Just walked in from a day of prospecting. I've spoken to so many elderly people who have hundreds, I'm not kidding, of properties and are not looking to buy or sell because they're just too damned tired to deal with it all. How nice. I wish I could help them unload and help myself in the process. It's all in what you say, I guess. I'm too green to know what to say to these experienced people. I know nothing. I'm tired. I want to go and have some fun, but I can't find anyone. My cable is broken. The guy's coming out to fix it tomorrow. Oh joy. On my one day off a week I have to clean house and wait for the cable man. Could someone please buy something from me? Please?

another mad ramble of The Shadow * 7:48 PM
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Thursday, April 08, 2004

So I'm supposed to create this sphere of influence of people I know who may know someone looking to buy or sell a house. I look around and what do I see? A bunch of people who are bugging out to Vegas. A bunch of people who are writers, actors, independent documentarians, indie producers, and screenwriters. Then I realize that I don't know anyone who's in the market for a house. I don't know anyone who can afford a house. I don't know anyone who wants to settle down and buy anything. My sphere of influence are strangers on the phone. Who the hell am I going to give my card to? The guy at PennyLane records? Should I hit up the chicks who work at the herbal supply shop I go to? Everyone I know who is slightly normal already has a family member in the business. I need to sell some property. And soon. I'm kind of broke. I mean, yeah I have the unemployment coming in but it is not at all the kind of check I'm used to. One of the girls at work has already made over $100,000 in comissions for March. Yes folks, that's just in comission, which means in the month of March alone she will pocket around $60,000 and she's only been at it for a little over a year. I make her shake hands with me everyday. I need a sale. I need one tomorrow. I need someone to say Thank God you're here. Please sell this house immediately!

another mad ramble of The Shadow * 8:57 PM
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Wednesday, April 07, 2004

I'm trying to remain positive about my whole change of vocation and pursuit of happiness thing, but I haven't had any good stuff happen yet this week. I have people who say they're interested in buying or selling real estate, but then they won't come into the office. I'm calling and calling and calling the entire world, but so far only two actual people have made appointments with me. I'm trying to not become discouraged because it will induce a downward spiral. Does anyone know anyone who knows anyone who is trying to buy or sell a home in the near future? How about in the near, near future? Please have them contact me. Please. I need to buy a car and feed myself. Oh yeah, and that rent thing has come up again. It seems like every month my landlord wants money from me. I swear. It's like a bill or something.



another mad ramble of The Shadow * 7:54 PM
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Sunday, April 04, 2004

So, last night I went out after work to go tie one one, or whatever, with my friends and can I just say how much I miss them? I finally got over to this party that was at M's new place on 6th and Rose in Venice and such a cute little house! There were so many people there they spilling out onto the street. As I drove up some of them ran up to my car and we just hung out like that for about 20 minutes until a car pulled up behind me and I had to park. I went inside and the house was all warm and smelled so great from the incense and everyone was kind of lounging and talking and JB was the dj and he was pulling the greatest songs out of thin air and broadcasting. I met more cool people and I passed out my new business cards and everyone was so nice to me and encouraging and it made me feel so good. At the very end Rhonda finally showed up and it was so good to see her because I miss her so much, and I got a lot of kisses from a lot of really cute boys and I had such a good time. I realize I may sound completely banal as I read this, but it was good. I had a good time. When I left the hospital I felt like throwing a match behind me so everything would go up in flames as I walked away, but it didn't. Miraculously, everything continues on without me almost as if I'd never even been there. Now, when I went out with my friends it was like I know these people and am connected with them through friendship and not just sharing a prison cell at our hateful jobs. It made me feel as if I belonged. I like that. It's hard to come by. Oh, and I've lost 8 pounds. Yeah for me.

another mad ramble of The Shadow * 1:58 PM
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